By RACHEL SAUER
The Palm Beach Post
OK, fine, let’s talk about It, because that’s obviously what they wanted. Let’s download the pictures, open them in Photoshop and use the little magnifying glass tool to take a very, very, verrrrrry close look.
Good grief, what is It? Is It a sunburst? And what’s It made of? Pewter? Is It glued on? Is It . . . good gracious, what is It?
To wit: It’s a nipple shield. In the shape of a sunburst. It’s made of silver, most likely, though Janet Jackson could afford platinum or titanium. It’s attached not with glue, but is held in place by a little barbell that goes through the pierced nipple.
So It’s just, um, yeah. Super Bowl fun!
When Justin Timberlake ripped off part of Janet Jackson’s top during the Super Bowl halftime show Sunday – as he sang the line “I’m gonna have you naked by the end of this song” during a duet of Rock Your Body – he revealed It. The, you know, the thing. The nipple shield. On her bare right breast.
Only, millions of viewing Americans didn’t know it was a nipple shield. All they knew was, holy cow, was that . . . ? Did you just see . . . ? Did she . . . ?
CBS officials are saying it was a mistake, a great big accident. They’re embarrassed and apologetic. It didn’t happen like that in practice all week, they say. Shucks, they were just as surprised as everyone else.
(Just for fun, let’s review: The halftime show was produced by MTV, a network that prides itself on its anatomical correctness. It starred Nelly, Kid Rock and P. Diddy, performers not known for their excellence in Sunday School teaching. It featured dancers dressed in what appeared to be underwear who repeatedly grabbed their crotches. Yet CBS is shocked – shocked! – by the incident.)
The Federal Communications Commission and the National Football League are not amused. FCC chief Michael Powell says he’s outraged, issuing a statement that called the display “a classless, crass and deplorable stunt” and promising an investigation that is “thorough and swift.”
In a statement, Timberlake blamed the incident on a “wardrobe malfunction,” a truly excellent explanation. Use it the next time you’re late for work: I would have been here on time, but my pants malfunctioned.
Or better yet, my nipple shield malfunctioned.
Because that’s really what this is all about. Not so much being shocked by a pierced nipple – that would be so 1995 – but a) seeing an unfamiliar type of jewelry on an allegedly private body part that was b) displayed for all the world to see in prime time during the biggest TV event of the year (with the exception of the Friends finale – nipple shields at Phoebe’s wedding, maybe?).
Nipple shields are nothing new, really. They’ve been around for several years and, as any body-piercer will tediously explain, body adornment dates back eons in human history. Erik Bell, manager of Ink Link Tattoos and Piercings in West Palm Beach, said nipple shields aren’t popular, not like barbells or hoops for nipple adornment, but every so often he sells one.
John Miller, an owner of Whole Addiction Inc. in Wellington and Coral Springs, said women buy nipple shields much more often than men, and the variety of shields he carries reflects that trend. They’re a means of going subculture in the new mainstream of piercing.
“They’re nice to look at,” he said. “It’s a nice look.”
Mostly, Miller sells shields that are decorated with faux jewels on dangly chains. But a quick scan of Internet sites such as www.piercingpleasure.com and www.hotbody jewelry.com reveals nipple shields decorated with skulls, flames and even one in the shape of a sheriff’s badge.
Which brings us back to Jackson’s. Hers was a sunburst that looked, in the millisecond before cameras jerked away, like a silver pasty – less modest than the purple one Lil’ Kim wore that time with the one-breast-exposed sequined jumpsuit, but more modest than . . . uh, being naked?
If we follow the “it was an accident” line of reasoning, Jackson wears it just for herself, to feel pretty. Shhh, don’t tell anyone. But then whoopsy daisy! There it is, her nipple shield on national television. Oops! Peek-a-boo! Let’s hope this won’t affect sales of her album that comes out next month!
You have to be careful with nipple shields, see. They snag on stuff, like bras or clothes, even clothes that have conveniently placed snaps for ripping-off ease. You must treat nipple shields gently, never exposing them to heat or Justin Timberlake.
Unless, of course, your clothes malfunction.